MAY 16: RUMBLE IN THE BOLT

Sometimes when I suggest large teams split up, it's just in the spirit of friendly competition.

That's not how it panned out this week.

Eagle 3000 showed up with somewhere between 7 and 10 teammates, depending on how you counted, and I figured that merited a division of talent. Of course, having done that, both the Pig Bottoms and the Furries showed up with their Brady Bunch-like crews, so there went that plan.

Worse than that, Eagle 3000 and Eagle 3000 Part 2 got into a turf war the likes of which I haven't yet seen at Thursday night trivia. The latter team even changed their name to Johnie is a C**t. Sticks and stones are no match for the C-bomb-biggety.

The showdown reached a head when I revealed that the two teams were tied for third place. Wigs were snatched. The battle looked like this:

I haven't been this distressed since 72 missiles were loaded onto the USS Enterprise in J.J. Abrams' lens flare-saturated Star Trek sequel (in theaters this weekend).

In the end, Eagle 3000 lost to C**t, even though the rep from the latter team thought that the letter J didn't exist until the 19th century. J is for "Jesus Christ what a terrible answer!" The team kissed, made up, kissed again, and got all Muppety for their photo. I got all lens flarey.

Just above the fray in second place were The Furries, whose roster has grown so exponentially that I can only presume they're actually Tribbles. This pic accounts for roughly half of their Starfleet.

But taking the competition boldly where no man has gone before (i.e. the ladies restroom at the Eagle) were our first-place winners, Pig Bottoms. Live long and prosper to the tune of $30 worth of booze.

Spock you next week. Let's heal together.

MAY 9: CAN'T YOU FEEL A BRAND NEW DAY?

I prefer to use my snazzy camera to capture mugshots of my trivia winners, but apparently my compact flash card was one of the things I threw up into the air in jubilation over the Minnesota House vote to legalize gay marriage earlier that day. My sister, on the other hand, decided to cue up this groovy chestnut:

As far as grabbing snapshots of this week's winners went, the iPhone had to do in a pinch, even though it turned everyone's eyes into Barlow's:

I had to Photoshop-Visine the yellow out, so here are this week's winning teams in glorious B&W. Kiss me deadly.

In 3rd Place were The Furries ...

... who I later found are on friendly terms with the team that beat them for the $15 bar tab and second place: The Pig Bottoms. Awkward. (You just know I'm waiting for the day these two teams merge and portmanteau their names.)

A tiebreaker determined first place, and the spoils went to Eagle 3000.

Artist's interpretation of their victory dance:

Congratulations to all and see you next week, when gay marriage will be officially legal in Minnesota. As Crystal Waters sang, it's the slam, it's the jam.

MAY 2: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR SHORTS ON

WIthout any photographic evidence to corroborate the stories I heard this week, there's no way to know for sure whether my substitute pulled a when-in-Rome disrobament at last week's Thursday night trivia. All I know is that the show earned rave reviews.

Oh wait, I found it on YouTube.

Talk about a tough act to follow.

A lot of people filled the room to welcome me back from my vacation to the East Coast (where I was subbing out for Kim Basinger on Broadway). The only problem was they were all stuffed into a measly two teams. So we had a little fun and had a tiebreaker between the two to see who could also pick up this week's third-place prize.

In the end, the booby prize went to the second-place team of Eagle 3000, which I suppose softened the blow a tad.

That left the $30 bar tab to get split 10 ways by The Pig Bottoms. Ten bottoms and 30 bucks? You do the math.

See you all next week.

April 25th - The Bearded Invasion

Wow, was it a fun night at the bar!  We had some fun music, good drinks and good people.  If it weren't past my bed time, I'd probably hang out with y'all again real soon.  It was truly the bearded invasion

 I don't have the caliber of beard as the men in the video, but I may one day. Anyway, how about your winners: 

Furries:

 

Eagle 3000:

 

Back Table, no tears, guys, you still played well.

 

-Andy

APRIL 18: DUSTY GOZONGAS RIDES AGAIN

Words can not describe our collective level of frustration with this ongoing winter. For moments like these, be glad John Waters wrote dialogue for Mink Stole to deliver.

Winter, you've turned me into one of those people who can't talk about anything other than the weather. For that alone, you must die.

Having absolutely nothing more to add to the expostulations of Peggy and Dotty, let's move onto this week's winning teams.

Coming in third place with 30 points was Back Table, a team more at home in second or first place, but since this week's third place prize is a giant magnet with the message "I kicked ass at Trivia Mafia," and since I believe they've never won that particular prize before, count this week's showing as a long overdue lifetime achievement award.

In second place was the slightly stripped down Eagle 3000. And, of course, by "stripped down" I mean they were caught taking their pants off, not that they were playing with a few less players than normal this week.

That left first place to Dusty Gozongas. They know rock guitarists, they know disco, and they know me. After they won, they offered to buy me some … fajitas! ("Oh, fajitas.")

Come back next week as the EagleBOLT celebrates Dine Out For Life. I won't be there, as I'm on vacation, so be nice to your guest host Andy.